Positivity on Fire

Confidence, Faith & the Person in the Mirror

June 12, 2021 Jason Ramsden Episode 25
Positivity on Fire
Confidence, Faith & the Person in the Mirror
Show Notes Transcript

When was the last time you took a look in the mirror and said to yourself, “I am amazing and am capable of doing amazing things!”? Perhaps not recently? Perhaps you are feeling less than confident in your ability to believe in yourself?

In today’s episode, host Jason Ramsden shares a recent coaching session with his own coach, Kimberly DuBrul, around the words confidence and faith as well as insights into how you can improve your own self-confidence leading to better self-efficacy and faith in yourself.

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Articles & Sites
12 Tips for Building Self-Confidence and Self-Beliefby Courtney E. Ackerman, MA. (positivepsychology.com)
How to Believe in Yourself (SoulSalt.com)
Kimberly DuBrul Coaching (Jay’s Coach)
Authentic Happiness @ UPenn - Via Character Strengths
VIA Institute on Character
Strengths Finder 2.0

App Links
Calm App; Calm is the #1 app for sleep and meditation. Join the millions experiencing better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety. (Apple, Android)

Amazon Links**
Chatter; The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
EP04: The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins


Hi, I'm Jason Ramsden and I believe we can all work on leading a more positive and intentional life. And this show details my journey by sharing my learning stories and conversations with guests. If you want to lead a more intentional life, focus on being the best you possible. Please subscribe today. Now, let's get into today's episode. Well, hello, my positivity posse. It's coach Jay here with another episode of positivity on fire. And today we're talking about confidence faith in the person in the mirror. Don't let the word faith scare you away. We're not talking about spiritual or religious faith in this episode. No, we're talking about faith in oneself and confidence in oneself. And as you know, I'll share a little bit about my own journey in an effort to help you with your journey. But let's get kick started today with a quote from Henry Ford. Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. Mr. Ford was absolutely correct. We're talking about self efficacy. Today, we're talking about the self confidence and self belief, the two ingredients, you need to have a healthier and happier life, especially when you're looking at the person in the mirror. Now today's episode comes directly out of a coaching session I had with my own personal coach, Kimberly debreu, who is my personal coach, she part of the program that I've been working through, and I have had just an incredible experience with her. If you want to learn more about what she does, you can find her at Kimberly dubreuil.com, I'll put it in the show notes, so you have access to it. But she's been a great resource for me as I have continued my path, my path of transition, getting ready for a new life and a new way of focusing on being a confident person and having faith in my abilities. And that's why today's episode comes from pieces of that conversation I had recently with her. And what made the coaching session interesting. And I won't go into too much detail about but what made it interesting is usually when you're working with a coach, you are looking to solve a problem or an issue. And I told her as we started the session, I'm feeling great. I'm right in the middle of this between old and new, super focused, I'm excited we're going on vacation and then coming back and moving and then new life begins. And so as we started walking through, like how does that work when you're working with somebody who doesn't have an issue to overcome, focus on their strengths. And lo and behold, through that conversation, confidence and faith are two words that came up. And I don't lack of confidence, typically feel very confident in the type of things that I do. I'm confident in the work that I do how I approach life. Faith is a tough word for me because I typically go straight to the spiritual or religious side. And that's, that's not the content of what we're trying to talk about today. We're really talking about faith in yourself. What I realized is that even though I'm confident in myself, sometimes I have a lack of faith in whether or not my confidence will boost me through it. So what is I mean, really what is confidence? Confidence is loosely a belief in oneself, we know that but it's also about self confidence. Basically, it's our judgment, about how we feel about our abilities, our qualities, and it's really a level of which we have self efficacy about what we may or may not accomplish in our lives before we really get going. Just to make it clear, there is a difference between self confidence and self esteem. Okay, self esteem is pretty stable trait in our lives, it's really hard to change unless we put some dedicated focus on improving it, it's really our inherent value worth in and whether or not we're deserving of love, or happiness or success, or anything good that comes our way in life. self confidence, on the other hand, doesn't take into consideration beliefs about worthiness, beliefs about our overall value, no self confidence focuses on our ability to succeed and beliefs about our own likelihood of succeeding. And I love that the those two terms are not mutually exclusive of one another. They're they're somewhat connected, but yet they are also have their own divergent path. And what does that break down to? self esteem is about the success you feel you deserve the life you expect, or think you should have that self esteem. While self confidence is about whether or not you feel competent in your abilities, your capabilities to achieve the success you feel you deserve. So where does this level of interest in self confidence come from big believer in positive psychology, learning a lot about that recently, we'll continue to learn about that. I think it's been at that at my core for a long time. So in reading an article on positive psychology, calm I came across common characteristics of self confident individuals. So let's talk about what those are first, and then some tips and tricks on how we might be able to improve our own self confidence and it's really the faith in ourselves right building the faith in our confidence, building what we believe we can accomplish common characteristics of self confident individuals are pretty easy to spot. People who are self confident, do what they believe is right, even if they are mocked or criticized for it. Love that on my computer screen, I have a couple of things that remind me of important things in my life and one is Be bold about what matters most. And so that's what I'll equate that first one to is that self confident people do what they believe is right, even if they're mocked or criticized for it, they are also more willing to take risks and go the extra mile to get what they want. They are able to admit, when they've made a mistake and learn from their mistakes, huge love that piece, learning from our mistakes. We talked about this in previous episodes, and also double my social media feeds you are who you are today, you're defined by your past. Absolutely. What you do today will determine what you do tomorrow. So you can leverage leverage your mistakes into growth, that's going to help with your self confidence. self confident people also wait for others to congratulate them on their accomplishments. Instead of bragging and boasting. And they also accept compliments with grace and gratitude. Now, those are the big ones. There are also some others that are perhaps specific to relationships or partners. Those types of indicators are self calm, confident people are less likely to be jealous and controlling, they're willing to be vulnerable. They're comfortable and willing to sell set healthy boundaries, a big part of being self confident and being part of actually having control your life is setting those healthy boundaries with others what your what you will accept and not accept in your life. They're willing to admit when they're wrong, they are less likely to blame themselves if if a relationship doesn't work out, they are pretty confident in the fact that they make good decisions, and they are more likely to accept responsibility for their actions and emotions. So now that you know what the most common characteristics are, you can kind of see those in in your own life. Right? Are you seeing yourself believing what is right and going for it even if you're going to be mocked or criticized for it? Are you going the extra mile Can you admit your mistakes if you if that's the type of person that you are, or that's the type of person that you want to become, then those are the characteristics you need to be looking for. If you feel like you need to build your self confidence skills, here's some things that you can do to help improve those skills. Okay, number one, prepare yourself for your journey. And what I mean by that is take inventory of what you've already done, like what have you achieved in your life, take inventory of that, write it down, make a note, what are the things that you're you're good at? What are some accomplishments that you had, think about your strengths and your weaknesses as well. But more importantly, your strengths. And when you find yourself in a coaching relationship, sort of like we talked about the beginning of this, this episode where I was explaining how my coach was actually talking about, let's leverage your strengths. And he was built upon your strengths. Even if you don't have something to talk about that you need to fix. Let's build upon your strengths. So think about your strengths and weaknesses, but especially your strengths. And if you haven't done any sort of strength work in terms of your abilities, give that give that a thought. There are some places that you can go online to make that happen. And I'll put some recommendations in the show notes. You have authentic happiness out of the University of Pennsylvania, you have via character strength.org. There are others Strengths Finder, two dot o double places that you can find out what your strengths are. Also think about your goals and your values. All right, you're on this journey to becoming more self confident. You have to have some goals and values along the way. Another tactic, you have to practice stopping that negative self talk, we talked about this in other episodes that you have to stop you have to flip the script and put positive spin on your thoughts about improving yourself. And then finally, commit to the journey. Commit to the journey of being self confident. So now just like any good track you've prepared for your journey, you have all the checklists you everything down you know what you need to bring with you along the way. You have to set out you have to set out on this journey of becoming more self confident. One of the things that you can do, identify and enhance the knowledge and skills you need to succeed. Is there something missing in your life is there books or resources that you can possibly use to focus on enhancing your knowledge and skills around self confidence? Do some Google searches, find some books and resources? listen to podcasts like this and others that you can find that talk about being more self confident. also focus on the basics. You don't have to get bogged down in the details about reaching perfection say this in many episodes, it's progress. It's not perfection. We're on a journey to self improvement. We're on a journey to be better humans for both ourselves and for others. Focus on the basic don't get bogged down in the details. Also set small goals. for yourself, anytime you are setting goals, the last year set them when you don't achieve them, the harder it feels. So set some smaller goals so that you can achieve some things that then pile up into successes. If you have some smaller goals for yourself that you can do quickly and get them done. It feels good, it feels good to cross things off your list. So I'll just make one big goal that it's going to take a while to accomplish. Now, that's fine. set that as a dream for yourself, and then put goals below it that are easily accomplished. And then keep working on your positive thinking and self talk. That's all part of the journey. That's possibly why you listen to this podcast is that you want to be reminded of those types of things you want to have somebody telling you, hey, listen, you've got to remind yourself about positive thinking. So you're on your journey here, you're on your path. And the next thing you need to do you have to accelerate, accelerate towards success. See it in the distance, you have to go for it along the way along your journey. Celebrate your successes, if you're doing something really positive, and you've achieved a goal towards your dream, celebrate that, share it with people, share it with yourself, remind yourself that you're capable of amazing things. Keep yourself grounded, and you don't want to get too out of control. You want to you want to have some wins. Keep yourself grounded in the process every day, every week, every month, assess your current level of self confidence. How are you feeling right now? Are you feeling confident? Are you letting that negative chatter come back into your head, assess where you are and then identify strategies that you can use to keep building and moving forward. Now if you get stuck or hit a roadblock, or you start to really spiral down a path of negative chatter, don't worry, everybody hits a roadblock on their journey to self improvement, whether that's improving self confidence, whether that's improving positive thoughts are thinking, Okay, it happens to everybody, just try to get back on track as soon as you can. So if you're having a bad day, it's okay to have a bad day, just don't stay there forever. Don't let a bad day turn into a bad week, into a bad month, or into a bad year. Now as I'm reflecting on what I just shared with you all these great tips kind of moving forward with self confidence, having the faith in your abilities to move yourself forward, I start to think a little bit about some of the things that I need to do in my own life, which may be maybe the same for you or not. One of the things I think about, someone once said, you know, you have to stop spinning your wheels at things you aren't wired for. And it takes it takes someone like myself and perhaps yourself as well. You are somebody who is goals oriented, who wants to achieve success, who wants to be good at things, you want to be good at everything. And we're not wired that way. Nobody is wired to be good at everything. If you can stop spinning your wheels at things you're not wired for, you'll find success. And what I mean by that is when you shift your focus away from the things that you're not good at, and really focus on developing your strengths, you'll instantly feel more competent and confident, you'll feel more confident, you may even say to yourself, you know what, I'm a badass, I actually can do amazing things. So as that competence and as that confidence grows, you will find yourself doing more and more things related to your strengths. And then take the things that you're not really good at and delegate Do you have to hire out, if you will, let's say you're an entrepreneur, and it's just you if you have to hire out things that need to be done that are your weaknesses, do it, it'll be well worth the money in the long run. Obviously, you have to look at your budget and determine what it is. But really good and successful people will farm out the things that they're not good at makes perfect sense. And this is certainly something that I have to keep in mind as well as I'm starting down the path of starting a media company and being focused on coaching, and sharing positive mindset and working through my own things that I need to work on to become better for myself. And for those around myself, family, friends, and also you the listeners of my show, I have to keep that in mind. This is not something that I can do by myself. It's not something that I expect to do by myself, even though I'm confident in my skills. Now I'm not saying you should have a mindset around that you can't improve what your weaknesses are no. But when you focus on your strengths, you'll find yourself feeling more compelled to move things forward in your life. As we prepare to wrap up today's show, I just want to go back to the concept real quickly about self esteem versus self confidence. Remember, right self esteem is about the success you feel you deserve. And I'm going to tell you right now, you deserve all the success in the world. If you are a constant listener of this show and you're looking to improve yourself, you are looking to get better at what you think you need to get better at if you're looking to improve your life. You deserve success. You deserve it. So remind yourself of that. And then remember self confidence is how you feel About your capabilities of achieving the success you feel you deserve. If you see yourself as undeserving of success, you'll feel less confident in your abilities to get there. But if you have the self esteem that you can achieve anything, and you can, humans are amazing the capabilities we have inside ourselves that we realize we never had, they're there, they just need to be uncovered. you improve your self esteem around what you deserve, your self confidence will take off, you will become more confident in your abilities to achieve what you expect you should achieve. And I'm not saying we're going to do that in a braggadocious way, or saying, you know, I deserve X, Y, and Z. No, we're going to work hard. We're going to focus on our goals. And we're going to improve ourselves each and every day, step by step to become better for us and for those around us, so that we can achieve the success that we deserve and that we can be confident about our abilities. Now, I know I threw a lot at you today, most of this will be in the show notes. I'll make sure to link to all of it in the show notes so you have access to those resources moving forward. But I would also encourage you to do your own homework. Do some recent research on confidence, self confidence, faith in oneself, self esteem, and do some additional reading, find some resources on your own, that you feel comfortable in consuming, to help open your mindset to improve your mindset from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, so that you can ultimately achieve what you deserve to achieve in life. And of course, if you're struggling with anything, you have thoughts on how you may be able to improve but don't know how to get over the hurdle. Reach out to me Jason at positivity on fire calm, I'd love to have a conversation with you. I'd love to get you connected to some resources, see if I can help you myself. And just know that I stay here as a resource for you if you need it. Finally, in closing out today's show, as I close out every single show, just a reminder that your gift of time, your time that you put into listening to this show does mean the world to me. It's super important. There's no greater gift than the time that you give to someone or something else in your life. So I appreciate that. And just always remember, be well be happy, be you and until the next time may your quest for positivity begin today. If you liked today's episode, please go to pod chaser.com search for positivity on fire and leave a five star rating and review. For more on my positivity quest. Follow me at positivity underscore j on Instagram or Tiktok or engage with the show by visiting direct dot mean slash Jason Ramsden. Have an amazing day.