Positivity on Fire

Letting Go and Moving On

May 08, 2021 Jason Ramsden Episode 20
Positivity on Fire
Letting Go and Moving On
Show Notes Transcript

We all struggle with knowing whether or not it is time to let go and move on from a relationship. Whether that relationship is work related, a friendship or a romantic one, the anxiety, fear and doubt about how to move forward can often be crippling because we often do not recognize the signs.

In today’s episode, host Jason Ramsden explores the behaviors and signs in our lives that signal it is time to let go and move on and also shares some tips around mindfulness and meditation that can help you be the best you possible.

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Articles
It’s Time to Let Go and Move On When You Experience These 21 Things by Royale Scuderi (lifehack.org)

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Amazon Links**
EP19:
Chatter;The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
EP11: Give and Take by Adam Grant
EP04:
The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins
EP02:
Find Your Why by Simon Sinek (audio version)

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Hi, I'm Jason Ramsden and I believe we can all work on leading a more positive and intentional life. And this show details my journey by sharing my learning stories and conversations with guests. If you want to lead a more intentional life, focus on being the best you possible. Please subscribe today. Now, let's get into today's episode. Well, hello, my positivity posse. And welcome back for another episode of positivity on fire. I'm your host, Jason Ramsden. And I just want to say good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whatever you're up to whatever you're doing, welcome to the show. In today's episode, we're talking about letting go and moving on. And this may have been on my mind for a little bit, because coming up on that life change I've been talking about here, and getting ready to make a big move at the end of June, but really only have about 30 days left of being in the office at my current job. So things are starting to get real for me in terms of change. And as many of you know, if you listen here regularly, it's an exciting change for my family and I and my wife is is getting a promotion, taking on a big new role. And I'm going to be continuing to do what I love here in this podcast, and also launching a coaching practice. And so there's exciting things ahead for us. But as I started to think more about letting go and moving on, I thought, you know what, not everybody is in a good spot, or an enviable spot, like my family, were letting go and moving on is actually a good thing for us. And there's no ill will hard feelings. We actually love where we've been the last 18 years, it's just time for a new adventure. But there are lots of people who struggle with letting go and moving on. And whether that happens to be in work situations, or professional relationships, or friendships or romantic relationships. It's not easy, right? It's not easy to let go and then move on. And a lot of times we're sitting here thinking, it's it's really about the difference between self preservation, and perseverance. While it usually seems pretty easy for us to give advice to other people about this, it's easy to point out to somebody else that they need to let go and move on. It's incredibly difficult for us to see that in ourselves and to be able to do what is necessary to move on. So I thought, why don't I find the research here? Why don't I do the work for for you, and find an article that can really speak to lots of different situations. And we'll tackle some of those. And just give it some consideration here. So let's go and watch this a little bit. Like the topic of, you know, it's time to let go and move on when So number one, when you feel disrespected, or unheard, every single human being has a need to be respected and listened to, if that's not happening in the relationship that you're in, and whatever kind of relationship that that is either personal or professional. If you feel like the person on the other end of the relationship consistently disrespects you, consistently undermines you, and consistently does not listen to what you have to say or what your input is, it is time to move on. And this may be the most difficult one to even see in ourselves. And this, this falls under the perseverance side. Because let's say it's a work situation, we want to do a good job, we want to be able to be seen as a valuable contributor to the work that we do. And we'll push through, we'll push through hoping that the person on the other end will hear us will understand where we're coming from, we'll understand the value that we bring to the organization. And so I think that this particular one makes a little bit more difficult for people. Because you don't want to give up, you don't want to stop working hard, because you believe in what you do. But there has to be a tipping point when you realize that what I'm doing is the equivalent of banging my head against the wall, I'm not making progress. I'm not being heard. And at times, I feel disrespected. And when that starts to occur, when you see those warning signs on the wall, it is it's time to move on from that particular situation. Number two, you Well, when you repeatedly give more than you take, we had an entire episode of this on the show in Episode 11 Are you a giver or a taker? And so if you want to know more about that hop over to that episode, but you have to think about it like if you're keeping score in terms of the relationship there has to be a balance between give and take. And it doesn't necessarily have to balance out in the short term but it sure should balance out in the long term. Now think of it as almost like a quid pro quo. I rub your back you have my back. We take care of things. There's a given take you do for me I do for you. And if this is totally one sided, then it may be time for you to reconsider and think, what comes next for you. And this really leads right into the next point, which is when you think about the past more than the present, especially in the case of givers and takers, you may have been at a point where things were equal, and you felt good about it. But if the dynamic swings over time, if the dynamic is such that you are constantly giving, and not getting anything in return, but you remember, you play back what it was like in the past, and all that you have about the relationship, and again, personal or professional, in our memories of a past time when things weren't good, and you're not living in the moment and you're not future focused, then yeah, it's time to move on. And generally, this kind of manifests itself in being mentally and physically exhausted, constantly, mentally and physically exhausted. As we know, life in and of itself is hard work. There's not, there's not a day goes by that we don't have to do something hard. And I'm not saying every day is going to be a difficult day. But life is the life is going to be hard work every single day. And some days, you're going to be more drained than others. And if the number of days where you feel like things are mounting to the point where you're always exhausted, always tired, that you can't give any more that you feel like you're stuck, you feel like you'd rather cry, than laugh in the situation, then it's definitely time to do your inward look and decide whether or not it's it's time for you to stay or go. And I say that because in every single relationship, and again, true across all platforms, is that you when you are down, or feeling blue, about the things that you're doing in your personal life or your professional life, and you don't have that sense of joy, you don't have that sense of Get up, get out, get going. When you feel like you at the end of the day, all you want to do is kind of sit down and just go What am I thinking, then you really need to consider if that's the right relationship for you. Because when you start to do that, when you feel at the end of the day, things are kind of building up and pulling at you tugging at your heartstrings, if you will, eventually that will turn into anger. And so if you become angry, instead of feeling happy in the relationship that you're in, then the next thing you know, we're headed down a path that's not really good. Because anger then builds into resentment. And what what oftentimes happens is between that, that period, or that state of feeling exhausted and feeling angry, you often find yourself thinking about things like Oh, wait, it would only be better. If if you if you utter the phrase, it would only be better. If X, Y or Z would only be better. If I could be heard, it would only be better if people understood my motivation, it would only be better if they gave as much as I give to the relationship. It started as soon as you start finding yourself in that situation. That's another warning sign, you know, you can't change people, people don't change. People may may be able to make tweaks, people may be able to see things in a different way. But at our core, it is really difficult to move somebody off of a behavior that they have, yes, let's face it, everybody wants to be heard and acknowledge. But if you get to the point that you feel resentful, or frustrated or bored in the relationship that you're having, oftentimes resentment and frustration, it may not feel like an emergency. But if over time, those feelings are continual, that they outweigh other feelings that you have about the relationship, then, you know, over time that'll undermined your quality of life. It's almost like you have this kind of weight on your back that you're carrying around. There's this elephant in the room or the monkey on your shoulder. And until you unburden yourself with that extra load or that extra weight, you're going to continue to be in a spot that's not good for you mentally. And I know, I know, you're saying this isn't this isn't always easy, Jay, I'm not quite sure. You come on here and you, you provide a lot of feedback. You provide a lot of information. But it's, it's easier said than done. And I understand that I totally get that. But what holds most people back from making a change in their life is fear and uncertainty. Because oftentimes we sit here and we think well, you know, the devil i know is the better than the devil. I don't know Taking a chance or taking a risk is a big scary decision. And again, it effectively changing jobs, it could be breaking up with somebody, it could be looking to redo a friendship that you may have had for 20 years. Let's just say nothing lasts forever, and nothing is meant to last forever. If the relationship that you're in in any respect, and the ones that we mentioned earlier, any kind of relationship with it no longer serves you, if you no longer have joy in it, if it no longer brings you what you need to have in a relationship, it is it really is time to move on. And the reality is the moving on will help you grow. Like one of the most important things we can do in life is grow as a person. And as soon as become stagnant. As soon as we stop changing. As soon as we stopped growing, as soon as we stopped moving forward learning, really stretching who we are, that's an issue. And usually what happens is you have this kind of inner mind inner thought inner voice in your head that's kind of persisted, it's kind of just there's, it's almost like a low hum, that you get used to in your house, that there's a feeling of there is something better out there for me. So in the case of work, if you get to a point where you're thinking to yourself, you know, I've given everything here, my goals, my desires, my abilities no longer line up with the leadership of the organization, it's time to go introspective, it's time to think whether or not that's the right place for you to be. And that the same is true of personal relationships. If you feel like the relationship that you have right now with that certain someone no longer serves you, you feel like there's something better out there than you, you owe it to yourself to at least have the conversation about what comes next. And again, it goes back to fear. And I get it, it's hard to make a change like that. But you really need to kind of sit down with yourself and go introspective, because in reality, if you're not being the best possible version of yourself, the right person, the right job, good friends, everything that's around you, it really should bring out the best in you. It should. So your relationships that you have with your co workers or even ships you have at home the relationships you have with your friends, if you cannot be the best version of you in all of those areas of your life, then it is it's time to consider making a change. Because at the end of the day, if you have to hide who you are, if you have to shadow, how you feel in order to fit in. That's not good. That's not really a good place for you to be mentally. Because whatever the situation is, if you if you're unable to fully express yourself, and be who you are pros, cons plus minuses, all of everything that you are that makes you who you are, then that makes it difficult for the relationship to be sustainable in any way, shape, or form. So what do we have to do to clear the clutter of our minds out all we really look at ourselves and decide whether or not moving forward letting go is something that we need to do? Well, first and foremost, I think you got to put yourself in a forward thinking mindset that I've always said the past does define who you are today. But it doesn't define who you'll be tomorrow, who you'll be tomorrow is what you do today, in this moment right now. So if you decide you're going to focus on a forward thinking mindset, and what comes next for you, you're starting to put yourself in a good position to move on and let go. And a really good analogy for this is let go of the anchors of your past, just let go of the anchors and pretend somebody is tossing you a life vest for the future. You are going to glom on to that life vest for all that it's worth. So stop being weighed down and drowning in your past. And just look at the future. Look at the lighthouse. Look what's out before you focus on the good focus on what can come next. And a good way to do them is by starting on mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is a fantastic way to cope with things that are going on your life and things that you may have like negative emotions or things that you're feeling, fears, doubts, and whether or not you're good enough to move on. Now I've mentioned this before, the calm app. I use it all the time I meditate every single morning. It's incredible how the power of meditation in your mind can work. quick story here recently had Just a minor medical procedure, nothing big nothing major is is diagnostic in nature. And right before I was going in to the operating room, if you will, the surgical room, I decided, you know, I'm just gonna clear my mind, I'm gonna meditate. And when I meditate, one of the things I do is count my breath, and I use my fingers to count my breath, three breaths in and three breaths out in just a nice pace. And that was great got in, put me under the anesthesia. And when I came out, I was in the recovery room. And the very first voice I heard was that my wife and she just, you know, she called my name, Jay. And I kind of wake up and she's like, Oh, I'm sorry, were you meditating? And I asked her, you know, what do you mean? Was I meditating? I just woke up, she said, Well, you were counting your fingers like you do when you meditate. And I thought to myself, What are you serious, like I in the moment, I didn't believe that was actually happening. But it tells you the power of mind, it tells you the power of mindfulness. And it gives you a little bit of insight into you really focus on being or having a mindfulness practice in your life, you can, it's not, I'm not saying that you'll have less negative emotions or less negative feelings, or be feelings that where you're less overwhelmed about life, in general, now, you're going to have the same amount of feelings as somebody who doesn't practice mindfulness or who doesn't meditate. But what you're going to find is, you are more readily able to control those emotions, they're going to be less intrusive in your life, you're going to be able to keep them at bay, and realize that there are bigger things at play here for you. One of the big things about being forward focused, you know, we talked about that before let go of the anchor reach for the light fast look for the light in front of you is that coaching can help with that you are listening to this in your you know, your your professional, and you need some executive coaching and executive coach can help if you are trying to fix something in your personal life, a life coach can help, there are things that you can do to do that. And it's about being forward focused. But I should note too, if you're in a spot where you feel like your thoughts have become too much that you can't focus at work that you're unable to sleep, that your relationships are falling apart, then it may be time to consider therapy as well. And I think everybody needs somebody to talk to just to the degree to which you need somebody to talk to you. Sometimes for smaller things, you can talk to your friends, other times you need a coach, or situations that are really bad, you may need a therapist to do that. And I make a make a note of that. Because you need to know you're not alone in this. Like if you're having trouble about letting go and moving on, you're not alone. Everybody goes through that. Everybody feels that way at some point in their life. And you know what, that's okay. It's okay to feel like you're unsure of yourself. But just don't stay there for too long. You got to get up, you got to get out you have to move on. And letting go and moving on is a big part of that. And in my particular situation, where we have the upcoming move and the big life change, after 18 years of living in the same town and the equivalent of working in the same organization, my wife and I changes good, changes good. It allows you to see things in a different way. And while it may be bittersweet, it may feel like change is difficult, and you're not sure of what's coming next. Just know there's lots of resources out there that you can turn to don't feel like you have to go it alone. definitely find somebody to talk to you if you need to process about what it means to let go and move on. I think the the number one thing, the number one takeaway for you here about letting go and moving on, give yourself permission to talk about what's going on in your life, what you're dealing with the feelings that you're having, don't bottle it up, don't bottle it up inside, because that further exacerbates the situation. And I think it's just important for you to know you don't have to do life alone. We can't expect ourselves to get through the hurts the trials, the tribulations alone, either you have to find somebody to talk to you have to find somebody to help you through those moments. And I would say if you are someone who's struggling with something in your life right now, if that happens to be a professional struggle for you, reach out, reach out to Jason that positivity on fire calm. I'd love to get in a conversation with you. I'd love to be able to see if we can work together happy to help in any way that I can. Definitely focused on executive and leadership coaching part of my other part of my new life. So if you feel like you're stuck in your professional life, reach out So as we get ready to wrap up the show today, I do want to thank you for being here. These 20 minutes always seem to fly by. But your time listening to this show, it does mean the world to me. There's no greater gift in this world than time I say it every single show. And I just want you to remember be well be happy, be you. And until the next time, may your quest for positivity begin today. If you liked today's episode, please go to pod chaser.com search for positivity on fire and leave a five star rating and review. For more on my positivity quest. Follow me at positivity underscore j on Instagram or Tick Tock or engage with the show by visiting direct dot mean slash Jason Ramsden. Have an amazing day.