We all have an inner voice. Whether it is our inner critic or our inner coach our own self-talk can play a large role in our lives including tanking our health, wrecking our moods, straining our relationships, and even causing us to fold under pressure. And it can also be our greatest asset.
In today’s episode, host Jason Ramsden shares his experience with the book Chatter:The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It and the profound effect it has had on his life in recent weeks.
EP19: Chatter;The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
EP11: Give and Take by Adam Grant
EP04: The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins
EP02: Find Your Why by Simon Sinek (audio version)
**As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases
Hi, I'm Jason Ramsden, and I believe we can all work on leading a more positive and intentional life. And this show details my journey by sharing my learning stories and conversations with guests. If you want to lead a more intentional life, focus on being the best you possible, please subscribe today. Now, let's get into today's episode. Hello, positivity posse. And welcome back to another episode of positivity on fire. So excited to be with you today. And I just have to say, Good morning, good afternoon. Good evening, whatever you're doing out for a walk with the dog out for a walk by yourself driving the car, doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I'm excited that you've joined us here for today for how to harness your inner voice. And if you're thinking to yourself, that is just not possible. Bear with me stay with me for a little bit. Because I have a really exciting book that we're going to get into today. I'm excited about this opportunity to share with you. And I think it's probably something that you're going to want to get. And I'll put the link in the show notes for you to make it easy on you. So let's get rocking and rolling with today's show. So how many times have you let your inner voice literally get into your head and make things worse for you in your life? How often does that happen five times 10 times 100 times throughout the course of your life, it's probably happened a lot. And as much as we want to turn that inner voice off. We can't your inner voice, it's really a part of human nature, we need it we need our inner voice. It does lots of good for us. But it also can do lots of bad to us think about it for a minute, that inner voice gets going and all of a sudden, you are separating about something you shouldn't be. And that inner voice, it can tank your health, it can sink your mood, it constrain your connections with other people, it can even cause you to fold under pressure. If you're a sports guy, or gal like me, you love sports. You see this all the time plays out over and over again, where people get in to their own heads. And they fold under the pressure of what's going on around them, especially in big games with important things on the line. Now you may be thinking to yourself, Well, my inner voice is like a bucking bronco. And I do not know how to break that. I don't know how to break that guy. At Gao, I don't know how to bring it back into the fold for me to use it for good things. Okay, so now imagine for a moment, if you've ever watched a young child interact with themselves interact with the world around them. A lot of times they do self talk, okay, that's really your inner voice is self talk. And as children self talk comes out comes out of us. kids do it all the time. You just listen to them. And they're talking to themselves. They're talking to themselves about how they're going about their business. What are they're doing in the day, if you've ever told a child that they need to be better at being around their siblings and to not hit OR, or NOT punch, they will go back and work with a doll or talk to themselves and say that to themselves. They learned by doing and they learn by verbalizing. But as we grow into adults and teenagers, God forbid, if we ever spoke out loud or talk to ourselves out loud, people would think we were off the rails, perhaps they would think we were a little eccentric. And what you may not know about your inner voice is that it can function two ways. Your inner voice can be your worst critic, but it also can be your champion, your inner voice can be that coach to kind of lift you up and help you dust off whatever may be going on in your life and help you move forward. And that's what I love about this topic is that we actually have the tools inside ourselves to be able to harness our inner voice. And that's where the book chatter comes in. And chatter was released just this January. So it's a relatively new book. And I absolutely love absolutely love its subtitle, which is the voice in our head, why it matters and how to harness it. How many times have you said to yourself, oh, the voice in my head. It's so distracting. It keeps putting me down. It keeps putting me in a bad spot. I wish I could turn it off. No, no, no, we don't want to turn it off. We definitely don't want to turn it off. And we can't turn it off. We want to harness the power of it. But how do we go about doing that? Well think for a moment you may know about doing affirmations plenty people do daily affirmations and they may have a list of affirmations that they read. Now when we do these daily affirmations. It's very often started with the phrase I am. I am good. I am good with money. I am lovable. I am healthy. But the issue with using I am is that's where that inner critic can really just start to spin it and all of a sudden you're saying to yourself, I am not good. I am fat. I am not pretty. I am not worthy, I am not good at x, y, or z. Now, if you've ever worked with a coach, they're not going to say I am, or you are, they're going to call you by your name. And they may say something like, Jason, here's what I need you to do. I need you to work on the fundamentals HAVE A, B, or C in order to improve your ability to be a better passer. So think about that for a moment. What if you In turn, coached yourself up. And instead of saying I am, ABC, that you use your own name, and you set it out loud, you did it in the mirror, and you use it as a way to pump yourself up. So imagine for a moment I'm standing in front of my mirror, you can do it yourself right now. And I say to myself, alright, Jason, come on, you've got this, you know how to do a presentation, I'm not sure why you're scared. I believe in you, 100%, you can make this happen. Come on, Jason, you can be good at getting this presentation done. Listen, Jason, I know it's going to go over really, really well. And people are going to enjoy your topic. And I guarantee you, they're going to take something away from him. All of a sudden, when you put your name in the sentence, that self talk becomes super, super powerful. And all we're doing by flipping the item to your name is we're flipping the switch on the most important conversations. We have each state the conversations that we have with ourselves, there's no other conversations in our life, that are more important than the words we speak to ourselves, and how do we talk to ourselves. Now what I really appreciate about the book chatter go back to it, I should say, well, it's written by an experimental psychologist and neuroscientist, Ethan crosses his name, what I appreciate about his approach to the book, it's not full of research, per se, it's not full of academia, or complex sentences or words, he just really, really breaks it down into some simple concepts that we can understand. He gives us simple tactics on how we can possibly apply those things in our lives. And what I love about it the best is that he uses real world examples. And they're examples of people you may or may not know, some of them come from the world of sports, others come from different areas in our lives. But what I appreciate is that when you hear the stories, as he tells them, you can almost see the power of how harnessing your inner voice can work for you. I mean, can you tell how excited I am right now about sharing this book with you. And I really appreciate that he calls it chatter, because that's what it is. And imagine being at a at a cocktail party, you know, back when we were all used to be able to gather, and there are lots of different conversations go on and you're in your ears pick up lots of different conversations, and they're kind of all over the map. Well, that's chatter. And that's what we do with ourselves. Now in the book, he goes on to say, you know, a lot of things that are out there right now. And I'm sure you've heard it says, Oh, you've got to be, you've got to be present, you have to be in the moment. And you know how hard it is to be in the moment, there are so many things that draw on our attention, there are so many things that our mind wants to consider both in the past and in the future. Now, I believe in living in the moment, but in a different way. Just a quick aside, I believe being present, especially in a conversation with people is a little bit different than living in the moment. And what makes it hard to live in the moment. And here's a great quote from the book. I really love this. And here's a quote I really love, he says, We are perpetually slipping away from the present into the parallel nonlinear world of our minds. He says the default state is a rich zone of remembrance, using em projection. So what does that mean? We look backwards to remember things that may have happened, how we may rectify them. We have fond memories. He says musing, like that's kind of like what's going on right now? What am I thinking about a projection is what's coming up in the future that I need to be focused on. And that's why I think it's important to point out that you can't live in the moment, your mind won't let you live in the moment, much different than being present, again, gotta be president when you're having conversations with people. But living in the moment is almost impossible, because of the way that we're wired. And the other kind of way that he, you know, talks about our inner voice, I love this too. And I this is how I look at it is like your inner voice is actually the project manager of your life. You know, how many times is your brain telling you Oh, don't forget to do this. You gotta gotta remember to take care of that. And is the project manager. The inner voice is constantly reminding you to do things. We consider ourselves the employee, we got to make sure that we write those things down. We got to make sure we put those tasks someplace so that our inner voice can release itself of reminding us to do those things. Now what's transpired over the last eight years or so that makes it a little bit harder for us to harness our inner voice? Social media, right? We sit there we thumb through our feeds, we look at other people's lives, which are just a single, tiny, minute snapshot of what's going on in their lives. And we often feel less good about our own lives, when we're thumbing those feeds. And doing that, gosh, doing that is just fuel for the fire for your inner voice to become your inner critic. And the next thing you know, you're actually so how come I can't look like that? How come I can't speak like that? How come I don't get to travel like that? How come I can't take vacations like that? How come I'm not good enough. And the next thing, you know, you're spiraling in a way that you don't want to be spiraling. Follow people who are true and honest, and positive. And you can see that they really are living a life that is not just snippets of the good. And if you can't find those people, then get off, get off the social media, or don't thumb it as frequently. Don't go through your feed before you go into bed. only do it at certain hours of the day, minimize it, shut it down, do it less. So what happens if we can't be on social? What happens then? Well imagine if you decided then instead of getting on social, that you're going to go for a walk. And during that walk, you're going to engage in self talk that is positive, you're going to have a coaching session with yourself, you're going to pump yourself up. And instead of mindlessly thumbing through social media that's going to turn your inner critic on, all of a sudden, you're turning on your positive coach, have you ever heard it takes less muscles to smile than to frown. The same is true of your inner voice. When you engage in what Krause calls negative chatter. That's all consuming, it becomes all consuming your brain, it tires you out, it wears you down. On the flip side, when you start to engage in positive inner chatter, coaching yourself up through positive self talk, that takes less, it takes less energy, it takes less brainpower, and ultimately fills you in a way that no one else can. Again, only you can pump yourself up. So how am I starting to use this myself? So you may now you know, I've spoken about this on other episodes is that I've been on a meditation journey, am I doing it now, for a shoot, I think tomorrow will be 145 days straight started back on December 3, haven't missed a day. A lot of what that does for me is actually helps me to understand that when you end up in a bad spot, when your chatter kicks in, when the inner voice really gets going. And that inner critic is really tugging at your shirt tails, you're able to objectively remove yourself from the situation. And I'm not saying that you aren't in the situation, what I'm saying is that if you elevate yourself outside above to see what it may look like to somebody else, then that's when you can kick in and begin to use. The coaching technique of distanced self talk I love that phrase distant self talk is when you start to refer yourself by your name. So if you can have objectively look at what's going on, you can see that you just need to get moving on a particular project that you needed to tackle a particular task. If you just wrote on a piece of paper, put it on the wall. So I would write Jason, what's the very next thing to do? And then underneath that, I would write Who am I doing this for? And then the very last line would say, Get to it, Jason. And if I put that someplace where it was a reminder for me every single day, what's the next thing to do? Who am I doing this for and get to it, Jason, you're talking about having a coach right next to you, that is yourself, wow, that would be pretty powerful. And what's even more powerful than having that coach on your shoulder who's really you is realizing that your inner voice really knows what your needs are, before you realize what your needs are, like your subconscious and your inner voice knows. And once you start to learn, to speak the things that you want into reality. And I fully believe that you can do that. And the more often that you can harness your inner voice for good, then all of a sudden the next thing you know you are accomplishing things and moving forward with your life far quicker and far better than you ever had previously. So I'm going to encourage you get out get this book, chatter, the voice in our head, why it matters and how to harness it. It's available on Amazon. I'll put the link in the show notes. So the Get to it quickly. Give it a give it a whirl, I'd love to hear feedback on what you thought about the book. I want to know if you were as excited and as pumped up as I am about this particular piece of literature, because it's rare to come across a book of substance that can really, really change your life. It has me thinking all different ways about how to have better self talk with myself, to harness my inner voice in a way that will allow me to accomplish things that I never thought that I could accomplish. And when it comes down to it at the end of the day, I feel like I'm going to have a lot better conversations with myself and I hope you will too. So if you have questions about this episode, you get the book and you have feedback that you want to provide to me, you know, send me an email Jason j. s o n at positivity on fire calm. I'd love to chat with you. I'd love to get connected because being on a positivity quest with others is so fulfilling. And I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you. Then in closing, I just want to thank you. I want to thank you for being here. I say it every episode, your time, the gift of time that you give to listening to my show means the world to me, there's no more valuable gift in this world than your time. I appreciate it greatly. And always remember be well be happy, be you and until the next time, may your quest for positivity begin today. If you like today's episode, please go to pod chaser.com search for positivity on fire and leave a five star rating and review for more on my positivity quest follow me at positively underscore Jay on Instagram or tik tok are engaged with the show by visiting direct dot means slash Jason Ramsden. Have an amazing day.